Writing and Rewriting... Hopefully.

There's something weird about the past time of writing really. I've only realized it recently. And it was one of the main reason I kept veering away from it. But in certain nights it pulls me back in again.

And when it does, you feel a certain kind of "joy", I suppose, that you get to engage your own inner Plato or Socrates. Trying to figure out problems in your life maybe, in your office, relationships, your history, your community or maybe among the more ambitious of us, even your country.

All of these usually happens within the comfort of your desk and room, with coffee by your side, and more importantly, with you alone in the room.

Well, I suppose you're waiting for the weird part: can't really explain it though, but I'll try my best. It feels strange to have the "privilege" to run your brain all the way and put the results of your thoughts in writings or formulas, or even drawings.

You feel the "privilege" doesn't stop even when you step out of the room and go out of the house to engage the real world. You smell the roses but sometimes you end up just "thinking" about smelling the roses, you know what I mean? You have a good laugh with a buddy but in actuality you're "thinking" about the laugh with your buddy. And this process continues everywhere.

Always processing. Formulating. Assessing. Concluding.

Judging.

And at some point, everything gets too overbearing and you have to drop it. And finally, you embrace something new to make you sane again: faith.

Or trust, whichever you prefer.

Because at some point, you finally realize that no one can know everything. And not even the ideal "everything". Maybe just everything of a single thing. No one knows that.

But the ego... Man, the ego does funny shit to you. Especially if you're a cerebral type like me.

You start to love your personal Plato more than loving the taste of coffee in front of you. You start to love your personal Plato more than enjoying the conversation at hand itself. And before you know it, you realize that you're walking amongst the crowds, in a shopping mall, or a park, looking at people and other things, and you realize everything you see is only yourself.

All the while, you were only taking a walk inside your head. And I can tell you it is not healthy.

So there you have it, I've decided to drop everything at the moment; writing, drawing, blogging. It's probably nothing definite I hope, but at least I wanna taste everything there is out there in the real world, especially the things I missed. I know that I have to learn to switch off the cerebral mode more often and this is the only way I know how to do it.

So goodbye to writing? I don't know really. Perhaps I will return when I have absorbed a great deal of outside experience beforehand. Because I know enough to know what happens when you use a sponge with the same bucket of water for a long time; it can get real dirty.